Like all matters of the heart I have come a long way in confronting situations. It has made some of my closest relationships stronger for it. I used to fear talking things out because I held onto unhealthy friendships and relationships. Speaking from personal experience, it is natural to want to hold onto friendships even if they are toxic. Who really wants to lose a friend?

When I used to confront a situation with a friend the tendency turned into the blame being put onto me or even to the extent of not understanding where I was coming from. It takes time and patience, but I learned that some people will not understand where you are coming from. Some of my good friends that I cherish have had our share of quibbles. But talking them out at the right time is what I believe makes a relationship stronger. I appreciate that my friends respect that I need time and plenty of privacy. After all, shouldn’t a matter be hashed out between two people in privacy? ☺

So take my advice it is okay to really do a bit of soul-searching but when you are ready you can ‘talk it out’ too. I have learned that some of the biggest discussions have made my friendships and relationships stronger. The little things you just realize are not worth bickering over.

I learned that sometimes some events occur that can bring so much clarity you feel that maybe you were the one with rose-colored glasses on. The cliché that ‘actions speak louder than words’ holds really true for me in this case. I learned that it is not time that determines the strength of a friendship but it is matters of the heart.

I learned that no matter how much kindness you bring into a friendship or even loyalty the receiving party may not even appreciate it. However, this does not stop me from unconditional love and support for those that are around me.

I learned that the truth can be in your face but you have to stop making excuses and come to terms with it. Forgiveness may take time but it eventually happens. It does not mean that the person that hurt you is going to get away with causing you pain. It just means that you have come to terms with it and letting go helps you to move onto better and healthier relationships.

I learned that you can hold a friend’s many secrets and be the ever confidante but that does not mean that this friend will care to appreciate it. But that does not coerce me to reveal those secrets, as they are not mine to tell. That is a person of character and one who is loyal despite what occurs in a relationship.

I learned that you couldn’t pick your family but that is why we have the freedom to pick our friends. Some extended family members may not watch out for your best interests, but that does not mean that you cannot watch out for yourself. Surround yourself with people who love you and will stand by you in your time of need.

I learned that in spite of facing adversities you could have faith that things will work out for the best. A wise friend lent me one of her all time favorite quotes by Seneca that put things into perspective for me. It is true that ‘time heals what reason cannot’ – Seneca.

After all is said and done I have never felt so free in a long time. It is time to stop blaming yourself and to really focus on what matters. Let go of things that do not matter and realize that things will workout for the best. The eternal optimist in me believes in this as it has yet to fail me.

I noticed that prior generations were used to brushing their grievances underneath the rug, and accepting that this is just a part of life. Things change as we evolved as a society. We began to question and seek out answers. This is when change began.

When I was faced in a similar situation a good friend of mine suggested that I write out what I was feeling. It did not matter whether it was written properly, but all the grief and torment that I was facing needed to be placed onto a plain document. It did not matter if I typed it or of I decided to use a pen and paper. I went through a traumatic time in my life too, and it helps. I would write out all that I was feeling then shred the document. I did not need to go back to read it either. Surprisingly, this is the one advice that I give to anyone that is going through a very difficult time.

If you are one to note your progress then I suggest that you make a journal to track your progress. You would be surprised how much writing can heal you. It may also lead you to discover new things about yourself. Sometimes we do not give ourselves enough credit – we are a lot more resilient than we give ourselves credit for.